The One Thing to Never Say to a Twin Mom
When I had my first set of twins, the boys, I was home with all three kids for four months. There was constantly doubt in my mind if I was enough or if I was doing a good job being a SAHM. That doubt, unfortunately, defeated me and I went back to work with the thought that I could provide better for them by sending them to daycare.
The job didn’t pan out to be what I expected it to be. The stress, hours, and travel were just not what we had in mind when we thought about what our lives should be like. So after a family decision, I came home and never went back to work in an office.
But one thing that I still can’t shake the feeling of is all the comments I got when I went back to work.
“You don’t even look like a mom of twins, let alone three kids!”
“Are you sure you just had twins?”
“I can’t believe you look like that after having kids”
“Are you sure you have three kids”
And after the second twins were delivered, I got a lot of variations of the same comments on social media about how “I look amazing and it’s so hard to believe that I have two sets of twins.”
Okay, first of all, WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL? What does that even mean? I don’t look like a mom of twins? I don’t look like I have three (and now, five) kids?
Since when does my waistline define my motherhood?
Since when does the height of heels mean I’m not running around kids?
Since when does my combed hair and makeup mean I’m any less of a mom?
Can we stop with the body and weight comments towards moms (and everyone, honestly)? What bothered me the most was the implication that all twin moms are overweight, especially because they’re “eating for three” UM NO.
All moms, and especially twin moms, come in different shapes and sizes.
I’m what society labels as petite. Let’s just put it out there. It’s in my genes, I have always been this way, and always struggled with gaining weight.
Except when I’m pregnant. Especially when I was carrying twins, I was large and in charge. My triple chin came in strong the third trimester. I wasn’t able to see my toes half way into the second trimester. I had friends asking me why my belly was so big my first trimester.
Mind yo business!
Both times, I had 12lbs of babies delivered within a minute. My body is slowly finding its way back to being itself. Some days, I get to do yoga and take a walk with the big kids. Other days, I end up having milk and cookies and jalapeño chips for dinner.
Honestly, I was and am like any other mom out there with kids: just trying to make it through the day, and thrive, regardless of how big or little I am. Most days in the office, I had done my make up in the car and chewed gum all day because I couldn’t remember if I brushed my teeth in the morning. I wore spanx under my suits to hold in that extra skin. And if given a choice between warm dinner and sleep, I’d always chose sleep. Still do.
So next time, don’t say anything to a twin mom (or any mom, really) on how she does or doesn’t look like she has any kids. Because her size does not define her motherhood.