Chatting with Chai: Volume 15
Ehhh yo! How do you like this new format for my monthly Chatting with Chai updates? I felt like this post needed a facelift since it still proves to be one of my most popular posts. (BTW, you can read through all of the monthly updates here.)
School started a couple weeks ago so our original schedule I posted has changed yet again. Man, I really do feel bad for these kiddos, there have been so many changes (and almost all abrupt) this year! Most kids are resilient so that’s a good thing, but I can say that having kids with special needs during this pandemic has been harder than before.
You know how people say “You know what’s best for your kid”? Well, as a special needs mom, I can tell you that that’s not always true for everyone. It took me a long time to admit to myself that I might not be the best support that Sean needs because I’m not a trained therapist. Yes, I learned a lot from other blogs and Facebook support groups, but he still benefits the most from a class setting with a certified therapist.
We did telehealth for a few months until our insurance would no longer cover it and eventually switched to in person. I can tell you that he’s been doing great and happy to be back with all this friends. It was still a very hard decision to make considering we have a second set of newborn twins, but we ultimately decided to do what’s best for each kid. For Sean, it’s best that he goes to therapy full time.
Actually, even just virtual school with one has been tough. We have five kids and everyone has different needs. I already have qualms about sharing my life online because I’m so private (yea, IDK why I blog either), but I’ve capturing bits of our daily life on Instastories. I’ve gotten lots of messages of “You’re super mom” or “Mom goals” and even “I don’t know how you find the time to do it all!”.
As nice as it is to get these messages, I just want to be very clear: I am not perfect and I don’t and can’t do it all. My goal is that I want new moms, twin moms, women who aren’t moms yet but want to be one day to know that being a mom is hard but oh so rewarding. Please, don’t for a second think that I don’t cry alone in the bathroom (you know, when I actually get to be alone in the bathroom), or have a pile of laundry that’s so high you can’t see the couch anymore, or stay up wayyyy to late and wake up wayyy too early.
I have had a super hard time dividing life with young kids, working full time hours on the blog, and maintaining the house as if I was doing nothing else. I’ve been burning the match on both ends and it definitely got to me. In August, I found myself snapping at my kids, apologizing constantly as if the state of the house and the lack of healthy meals ready in time to eat was a measure of me, not just as a mother but just me. At times, I felt as if I failed them. I don’t have enough hours to dedicate myself to work successfully, teach and take care of my children, spend time with my husband, and even take care of myself.
I’m not saying my feed and stories are curated. Content is planned, yes, but I try to be as authentic to my real life as I can. There have been so many tough moments in August that I chose not to share. Because frankly, I can’t share or even record those moments because having a phone in my child’s face as she’s having a melt down is probably not the best parenting decision for me. I mean, I wouldn’t want anyone recording me crying and sharing it with thousands of strangers online.
Honestly, I had always felt so judged for decisions I needed to make. I was living life as an explanation, not an exclamation. The pressure of having to answer for myself and the decision I made daily was very overwhelming. Recently, I’ve started this thing where I just DGAF. That’s not to say that I’m mean or inconsiderate; I’ve just grown past the need to explain myself to others.
Part of me says that it’s because I’m older and all the much wiser. I did just celebrate a birthday recently. In fact, Serena also celebrate a birthday. Yea, when your birthday is only a few days away or the same day as your kid’s, it ain’t your birthday anymore. Know what I mean? But I really think it’s because I have very supportive friends that literally just check in to see how I am doing. Not expecting me to hang out, no pressure to reply back right away; just absolutely encouraging me.
I have, thankfully, always have had this at home. Sanj, as you all have seen on stories, is my biggest cheerleader. But it’s super nice to now have adult friends that are positive. Removing negative people and dead weight has literally been the best thing I’ve done. Totally advise you to do the same.
Anyway, I digress. Another part of me thinks that it’s just because I’ve started to apply the things I’ve learned in therapy years ago. Do you see a therapist? I feel like they are a great sounding board to help you process your self. They don’t provide answers for you, but they definitely give you a different insight in to things and force you to ask yourself questions you might be too chicken to do.
Especially times like these; they’re so triggering for everyone. I swear, Instacart delivered the wrong flavor of vanilla ice cream and I was in a pool of tears over ice cream. I really wanted the single serve Marie Callendar’s apple pie. Actually, I have been CRAVING the pumpkin pie from Emporium Pies. They started this thing where they were introducing holiday pies for delivery, but I have yet to still see the pumpkin pie. I feel like this pie is something I would really just buy an extra freezer for so I can enjoy it later. These rainbow gluten free cupcakes weren’t all that bad, though. Kinda subsided that pie craving for like ten minutes!
Btw, have you tried ordering a freezer online lately? Not only are places totally sold out of freezers, but also this. And totally understandable because now everyone is at home.
Speaking of pie, are you ready for Fall? I am not a pumpkin spice person, but I did a giveaway on my newsletter — did you catch it? If you’re not already subscribed, make sure you subscribe here. I have a huge library of free printables and fun activities!
I have honestly been trying to read this book for like two months. It’s just a book that keeps being recommended over and over to me, but I’m still no where near finished. I’ve probably checked it out of our library four times already. I also started reading this book for my PMA bookclub. It’s in a story format so it’s definitely more interesting. It makes for a quick read.
I started watching this show and this show again. They both make me laugh so much. In fact, I find both female protagonists super relatable. I’ve heard really good things about this show, too, but it’s one of those shows that you really need to pay attention to; it’s not something you can just have in the background.
BRAHHH. Tell me you caught this podcast about voting? It breaks down mail-in-ballot options for voting this year. It’s non-binary political reference so it’s not influencing your vote or telling you which way to vote. It’s a podcast that talks you through voting by mail and sending your ballot by mail. Which, btw, have you registered to vote yet?
Also, does anyone know how to take songs from an old school Apple iPod and transfer it to iCloud? I have all these old school jams and remixes that are no longer on the interwebs so I don’t want to lose it; but the battery life on this iPod is shit.
I really want to beef up the freebie library. My goal is to gain more subscribers by the end of this year; in an effort to do that, I’ll be diligently working on the free stuff I provide for you guys. There’s a lot of work that goes in to planning posts. I think it’s high time that I dedicate and promote all the freebies I offer. If you don’t already subscribe to the blog, will you do me the favor and subscribe below? I only send a newsletter once a month.
If you don’t want to subscribe, but you still want to see what I’m up to, make sure to follow my instastories to catch up on what’s the latest.